Saturday, October 20, 2007
Can I have another life, please? A second one that is, not a different one.
This weekend it's "Chill Out Weekend, All Weekend" on VH1, and a lot of the songs that are playing take me ages back and give me a very sad/happy feeling. You know, painful pleasure, pleasurable pain, that kind of thing. Then it hit me: I won't have another life ever again. I can't relive what is behind me, I can't accumulate years and I definitely can't pause life. And it saddened me to the bones that this is my only chance in life, the only offer I'll get, the only few decades that I have, and I don't know how to stretch them, make them last longer, make them pass slower.
After that, what happens?
I'd gladly trade my spot in heaven (to be optimistic) for immortality. Does anyone feel like doing the exchange with me? Despite everything, life does appeal to me. And you can quote me on this.
"Hold on, when you feel like letting go
When you think you've had too much of this life, hang on
Because everybody hurts"
I always hang on and hold on and I always remember that everybody aches, and it helps. But how can I hold on and what do I hold on to when a friend is dying and when the sweetest people leave this world unwillingly?
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on....Everybody hurts." - REM
After that, what happens?
I'd gladly trade my spot in heaven (to be optimistic) for immortality. Does anyone feel like doing the exchange with me? Despite everything, life does appeal to me. And you can quote me on this.
"Hold on, when you feel like letting go
When you think you've had too much of this life, hang on
Because everybody hurts"
I always hang on and hold on and I always remember that everybody aches, and it helps. But how can I hold on and what do I hold on to when a friend is dying and when the sweetest people leave this world unwillingly?
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on....Everybody hurts." - REM
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Don't Keep The Neighbors Up All Night
I changed my philosophy way back; around the time when I learned how to sew buttons on shirts, when Prince abridged his name, and when I learned how to burn CDs. Now it feels better. I feel more as an entity, and sharing ******** stories with friends doesn't seem as awkward as it used to. It's OK to be an alien sometimes. Too OK.
In the afternoon, the sun cools down a bit and I can go for a walk. But I don't. I choose to listen to more music and learn some more. Music is the only other thing that touches my soul- my alien soul, my colorful soul, my frightened and lucid understanding of my soul. It also takes me down that road that has a million intersections at the end of it, where you always make the wrong decision no matter how willing you are to give it a try.
Perfect break-time/ending (?) to a sunny day. And this new Blogger saves my drafts automatically now! Bright sunny day.
In the afternoon, the sun cools down a bit and I can go for a walk. But I don't. I choose to listen to more music and learn some more. Music is the only other thing that touches my soul- my alien soul, my colorful soul, my frightened and lucid understanding of my soul. It also takes me down that road that has a million intersections at the end of it, where you always make the wrong decision no matter how willing you are to give it a try.
Perfect break-time/ending (?) to a sunny day. And this new Blogger saves my drafts automatically now! Bright sunny day.
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